Wednesday, 20 March 2013


A review I wrote of Oz and James Franco's squishy face that sort of became a vaguely feminist single girl rant...

I went to see Oz the Great and Powerful in 3D last night with the Great and Powerful Team Paris. It was goooood and the special effects made you feel like you were in Disneyland. James Franco is, in short, my absolute ideal dream. Apart from when he smiles. He has a very malleable face which kind of folds in on itself when he’s really happy about stuff. I’m all for a malleable faces, especially after a few shots of tequila, but I just can’t get round the idea when it looks like you’re The Child Catcher. I don’t know if not being able to handle someone’s smile would be a huge obstacle in a relationship but as long as he could keep a straight face, I’d be willing to give it a whirl. Hey James ;)
Anyway, other than the hilarious flying monkey side kick voiced by Zach Braff and Michelle Williams eye make up, which made her constantly look like she was chopping onions, the thing that struck me most about the film was that the whole story stemmed from Mila Kunis being a total bunny boiler with a loose grasp on her emotional stability. All it took was an out-of-beat dance to an old music box and a James Franco shaped kiss from his malleable, squishy lips and marriage and eternal love suddenly became a dead cert. He, quite understandably, was a bit freaked out and when he left on a ‘good moral quest’ she absolutely lost her shit. Tears burning her skin, obsessive watching of the crystal ball, bitter vengeance plans. I mean, we all know that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. And in all fairness Franco could have definitely handled his desertion better. An “it’s not you it’s me” line or something equally as clichéd. But woah Mila, woah! Burning away your heart to get over a breakup making you completely, 100% bad ass evil was an extreme reaction to a short fling. And this is coming from me…

I would like to think that as I’ve gotten older my reactions have become less severe. I think Mila may have been in her 16 year old hormonal girl mind when she was dealing with all this. I had similar reactions to breakups when I was that age. I have always found the rules of dating unexplainably frustrating because I just don’t understand them, there seem to be so many mistakes you can make. And I’m also frustrated that as soon as a girl, I don’t know, asks a guy if they want to go for a coffee, or texts them to say hello, the guy automatically assumes that she’s gunning for a ring and a baby. But then you see films like this and it’s kind of not surprising. The media constantly enforces the idea that if you have a vagina all you’re really interested in is pinning down a man and that you’ll go hell for leather trying to make it happen. If I was James Franco, or any other 25 year old male, I would also be a little disturbed by this. I think it is important that women, and men, understand that although companionship is desirable, and as humans we are social creatures, it is not the be all and end all. People will come and go and not every single one will be your all time love. Broken hearts happen. Sad experiences can be lessons. You will keep going.

So look James, if I ask you out for a coffee and you bring your magic tricks and we have a lovely time please can you NOT assume that the whole time in my mind I am calculating ways to force you down the aisle. I mean, I will be, but don’t just assume it OK? Shazam.

By Bean

No comments:

Post a Comment


About Me

My photo

A way for two best friends to share the things that inspire them across a vast expanse of water