Tuesday, 2 April 2013

I once knew a man...

I once knew a man who came on very strong at the beginning of his relationships, but couldn't seem to help closing his heart as soon as a woman had opened hers. I have heard that kind of behaviour referred to as an "addiction to the attraction phase" in relationships.

This man did not maliciously go around hurting women. He sincerely wanted to be in a genuine committed relationship. What he lacked were the spiritual skills that would enable him to settle down in one place long enough to build anything solid with an equal partner. As soon as he saw human faults and weaknesses in a woman, he would run. The narcissistic personality is looking for perfection, which is a way of making sure that love never has a chance to blossom.

The initial high can be so heady, so tantalizing, that the real work of growth which needs to follow the initial attraction phase can seem too dull, too hard to commit. As soon as the other person is seen to be a real human being, the ego is repelled and wants to find somewhere else to play.

At the end of a relationship with someone like this, we feel as though we have taken cocaine. We had a fast and very exciting ride, and it felt at the time like something meaningful was happening. Then we crashed and realised that nothing meaningful had happened at all. It was all made up. Now all we have is a headache, and we can see that this kind of thing isn't good, isn't healthy, and we don't want to do it again.

But there's a reason why we're attracted to relationships such a this. We are drawn to the illusion of meaning. Sometimes someone who has nothing to offer in a real relationship can come on like they're offering the world. They are so dissociated from their own feelings that they have become highly skilled performers, unconsciously playing whatever part of our fantasies prescribe.


Now I get it...Belle x

No comments:

Post a Comment


About Me

My photo

A way for two best friends to share the things that inspire them across a vast expanse of water